Beeld: Persoonlijk
Hoe ouders zich echt voelen als ze een baby verliezen
Al meer dan een jaar loopt mijn grote rouw- en verliesonderzoek, waarin ik onderzoek doe onder ouders die een baby hebben verloren. Deze blog is de eerste in een serie waarin ik beschrijf hoe ouders zich voelen en tips geef voor de omgeving. Deze tips en ervaringen komen direct uit het onderzoek en zijn gebaseerd op de meningen van meer dan 1400 ouders. Ook meedoen? Check mijn website en deel jouw ervaringen. Samen creëren we meer begrip en herkenning!
1. Wanneer het onvoorstelbare gebeurt
Als ouders een baby verliezen tijdens de zwangerschap of rond de geboorte, is erkenning heel belangrijk. Niet als beleefdheid, maar omdat het helpt om je veilig te voelen en je verdriet te kunnen dragen.
Als mensen er niet over praten of het verlies vermijden, kan dat heel eenzaam voelen. Het lijkt dan alsof het verlies niet echt telt. Door het juist wél te benoemen, door te zeggen dat er een kind was en dat het gemist wordt, ontstaat er ruimte voor ouders om hun verdriet te voelen.
Er zit vaak ook een verschil tussen hoe artsen erover praten en hoe ouders het ervaren. In de medische wereld wordt gesproken over bijvoorbeeld “een miskraam” of “vroeg zwangerschapsverlies”. Voor ouders voelt het vaak heel anders. Voor hen is het niet alleen een medisch moment, maar de geboorte van hun kind, ook al leeft het kindje niet meer.
Een bevalling bij twintig weken voelt voor ouders niet als een medische gebeurtenis. Het voelt als een doodgeboorte. Het is hun baby die geboren wordt, een kindje dat er mocht zijn, maar niet mocht blijven.
Na zo’n verlies lijkt de tijd stil te staan.
Terwijl buiten alles doorgaat, mensen werken, boodschappen doen en de zon gewoon blijft schijnen, voelt het voor ouders alsof hun wereld plots stopt. Thuis wordt niet alleen een baby gemist, maar ook de toekomst die ze al voor zich zagen.
2. Een wirwar aan emoties
Rouw verloopt niet netjes in stappen. Het is geen rechte lijn van verdriet naar acceptatie. Het lijkt eerder op een rollercoaster, met gevoelens die plots kunnen opkomen, soms op de meest onverwachte momenten.
Alle emoties die daarbij horen, zijn normaal, zelfs als ze elkaar tegenspreken.
Veel ouders herkennen bijvoorbeeld deze gevoelens:
Verdriet en leegte
Een diep gevoel van pijn. Niet alleen emotioneel, maar ook lichamelijk. De buik is ineens leeg, terwijl het lichaam nog helemaal was ingesteld op een baby. De lege buik voelt soms als een lege wieg.
Machteloosheid
Het besef dat je niets had kunnen doen om het te voorkomen. Dat gevoel kan heel zwaar zijn.
Schuld en schaamte
Veel ouders denken dat hun lichaam heeft gefaald. Ze voelen zich schuldig omdat ze hun baby niet veilig hebben kunnen dragen, ook al klopt dat gevoel eigenlijk niet.
Boosheid
Boosheid op het leven of het lot. Waarom gebeurt dit? Waarom bij ons? Het voelt vaak oneerlijk en onbegrijpelijk.
Het belangrijkste in deze periode is dat al die gevoelens er mogen zijn. Verdriet, paniek, boosheid, maar soms ook momenten van leegte of stilte. Door alles te mogen voelen zonder oordeel, kan er langzaam ruimte ontstaan om met het verlies te leren leven.
Maar dat proces wordt ook beïnvloed door hoe de omgeving reageert.
“Het leven gaat door, maar jij staat stil.”
3. De onzichtbare moeder en vader
Ouders worden niet pas vader of moeder als een baby geboren wordt. Dat gevoel begint vaak al bij de positieve zwangerschapstest. Vanaf dat moment ontstaan er dromen, verwachtingen en een band met het kindje.
Daarom is het zo belangrijk dat de omgeving erkent dat ouders hun kind hebben verloren.
Vaak gaat alle aandacht naar de moeder, terwijl de partner, meestal de vader, een beetje uit beeld raakt. Mensen vragen hem bijvoorbeeld vooral hoe het met de moeder gaat. Maar ook hij heeft het verlies meegemaakt en rouwt om zijn kind.
Het is belangrijk dat beide ouders gezien worden in hun verdriet.
Soms zit steun en erkenning in kleine dingen:
• De naam van het kindje blijven noemen
• Erkennen dat het kindje onderdeel is van de familie, ook al was het leven kort
• Luisteren zonder oordeel naar de keuzes die ouders maken
Wanneer de omgeving het bestaan van het kind erkent, kan dat ouders helpen om stap voor stap hun nieuwe werkelijkheid onder ogen te zien.
4. De eerste dagen na het verlies
Direct na het verlies zitten veel ouders in een soort waas. Alles voelt onwerkelijk. Juist in die periode kan hulp van buitenaf heel belangrijk zijn. Vaak hebben ouders de energie niet om zelf om hulp te vragen.
Drie dingen kunnen in deze eerste periode helpen.
Leg herinneringen vast
Je krijgt maar één kans om herinneringen te maken. Foto’s, filmpjes of hand- en voetafdrukjes kunnen later heel waardevol zijn. Sommige mensen leggen het kindje even in water voordat ze een foto maken. Daardoor ligt het kindje in een natuurlijke houding, een beetje zoals in de baarmoeder.
Wees er, zonder advies te geven
Soms helpt het het meest als iemand gewoon luistert. Alsof het verhaal voor het eerst verteld wordt. Goedbedoelde zinnen zoals “je bent nog jong” of “het is misschien beter zo” kunnen juist pijn doen. Ze doen het verlies tekort.
Volg je eigen gevoel
In deze periode mogen ouders vooral doen wat voor hen goed voelt. Dat betekent soms ook grenzen stellen en verwachtingen van anderen loslaten. Er is geen juiste of verkeerde manier om door deze dagen heen te komen.
Wat ouders het meest nodig hebben, is tijd en ruimte.
Rouw heeft geen vast tempo. Door druk van buitenaf weg te nemen, bijvoorbeeld rond werk of sociale verplichtingen, krijgen ouders de kans om stap voor stap weer adem te halen.
In het volgende deel kijken we naar een andere vraag:
hoe kan de werkomgeving en de sociale kring steun bieden op de lange termijn, wanneer het leven voor anderen weer doorgaat, maar het verlies blijft.
Yvette Huitema
Serie Blogger
Schrijft over het missen van een baby. Woorden voor troost, (h)erkenning en liefde. Founder van Mis je – een platform voor ouders in rouw én hun omgeving. Met gedichten, gidsen en een boek in de maak. Zodat er meer begrip komt voor verdriet dat niet altijd zichtbaar is.
PRAAT MEE MET ANDERE Mama’s in de community
Kom in contact met (aanstaande) ouders, word lid van een geboorteclub en blijf op de hoogte van de ontwikkeling van je kind.
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