Dit is waarom ik op Twitter zit!

4-year-old: Can I have some of your candy?

Wife: I got this for Mother's Day.

4: You're only a mom because of me.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 13 mei 2017

Me: Time to get up.

4-year-old: I can't.

Me: Why not?

4: I just can't.

Mondays.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 8 mei 2017

4-year-old: I wish I was a dog.

Me: They can't ride bikes or draw pictures or drive cars

4: They don't wear pants.

Me: I wish I was a dog

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 3 mei 2017

Me: Get dressed.

4-year-old: I'm coloring.

Me: Getting ready is more important.

4: I'm drawing a horse.

I stand corrected.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 1 mei 2017

6-year-old: These shoes hurt my feet.

Me: Then don't wear them.

6: But they're pretty.

Me: I don't understand.

6: No, you don't.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 30 april 2017

Me: Clean up your toys off the floor.

4-year-old: You have to clean, too.

Me: They're your toys.

4: It's your floor.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 26 april 2017

4-year-old: What do polar bears eat?

Me: Seals

4: What do brown bears eat?

Me: Salmon

4: What do pandas eat?

Me: Kids who ask questions

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 25 april 2017

Me: *calls* How are my kids?

Grandma: We're having so much fun

Me: Maybe they can stay with you a few extra-

Grandma: Come get your kids.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 23 april 2017

4-year-old: *picks up something* I found a jellybean.

Me: What flavor?

4: *licks it* A rock.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 18 april 2017

Me: What do you want for breakfast?

6-year-old: M&Ms.

Me: No.

6: Why not?

Me: I already ate them for breakfast.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 6 april 2017