Beeld: Canva
Tussen de Lakens met Puck (39): “Ja, ik ben (single)moeder. En ja, ik heb gewoon seks met mijn dates.”
Mama zijn is zwaar. Seks hebben? Dat is een apart level. Kinderen, een druk huishouden en een lijf dat nooit meer hetzelfde is… klinkt bekend? Tijd om eerlijk te zijn: ja, je mist soms die sexy vibes van vroeger, en ja, dat merk je in bed. In Tussen de Lakens praten moeders zonder filter over alles wat er onder de lakens gebeurt: de gênante momenten, de stiekeme fantasieën én de momenten dat het wél geweldig voelt.
Deze week vertelt *Puck (39), single mom van een zoon van 11, hoe zij haar moederschap combineert met een onafhankelijk en allesbehalve saai datingleven.
De naam is gefingeerd. Deze moeder deed anoniem mee aan onze vragenlijst.
Scheiding en co-ouderschap
“Na mijn scheiding zei iedereen: focus je op je kind, neem je tijd, rust uit. En dat heb ik ook gedaan,” vertelt Puck. “Maar ik voelde ook heel sterk: ik wil mezelf niet kwijtraken in alleen maar moeder zijn.”
Haar zoon was vijf toen ze uit elkaar gingen. Inmiddels is hij elf en draait het co-ouderschap soepel. Om de week is hij bij zijn vader. “En in die weken heb ik ruimte. Ruimte om vriendin te zijn, ondernemer, en ja… ook gewoon vrouw.”
“Ik heb datingapps. Meervoud. En ik gebruik ze met plezier.”
k ben duidelijk over mijn intenties. Ik zoek geen nieuwe vader voor mijn kind
*Puck (39)
Daten en seks
Puck draait er niet omheen: ze spreekt regelmatig mannen af die ze online leert kennen. “Ik chat eerst even, voel of er humor is, of er spanning is. En als dat goed zit, spreken we af.”
En ja, vaak blijft het niet bij één drankje. “Als de klik er is, ga ik daar niet moeilijk over doen. Ik ben volwassen. Ik weet wat ik wil. En ik heb geen behoefte aan maandenlange app-relaties zonder actie.”
Ze benadrukt dat het voor haar draait om wederzijds respect. “Ik ben duidelijk over mijn intenties. Ik zoek geen nieuwe vader voor mijn kind. Ik zoek een fijne avond, goede gesprekken, aantrekkingskracht. En als dat leidt tot seks, dan is dat omdat we daar allebei zin in hebben.”
Geen schaamte. Geen verborgen agenda.
Trots op mijn lichaam
Wat haar misschien nog het meest verrast, is hoeveel zelfvertrouwen ze heeft gekregen sinds ze single is. “In mijn huwelijk was seks… oké. Maar ik was vaak bezig met pleasen. Nu denk ik veel meer: wat vind ík fijn?”
Ze voelt zich niet minder aantrekkelijk door het moederschap. “Mijn buik is zachter, mijn borsten zijn anders. So what? Dit lijf heeft een kind gedragen. En ik geniet er nu juist meer van.”
Ze benoemt dat ze tijdens dates duidelijk haar grenzen aangeeft. “Dat maakt het spannender, niet ingewikkelder. Mannen vinden het vaak juist aantrekkelijk als een vrouw weet wat ze wil.”
Gescheiden werelden, duidelijke regels
Puck houdt haar datingleven strikt gescheiden van haar rol als moeder. “Ik date alleen in de week dat mijn zoon bij zijn vader is. Nooit als hij thuis is. Geen mannen in mijn huis als hij er is.”
Ze wil dat haar zoon stabiliteit ervaart. “Hij hoeft niet te weten wie mama allemaal ontmoet. Voor hem ben ik gewoon zijn moeder. Punt.”
Maar in haar eigen week gunt ze zichzelf vrijheid. “Ik zorg goed voor mijn kind. Ik werk hard. Ik regel alles. Dan mag ik ook plezier hebben.”
Ik heb geen man nodig om mijn leven compleet te maken. Maar ik geniet wel van mannen. Dat is iets anders
*Puck (39)
Geen stereotype single moeder
Ze weet dat er mensen oordelen. Dat een single moeder die openlijk over seks praat niet in het brave plaatje past. “Maar eerlijk? Dat brave plaatje is niet mijn verantwoordelijkheid.”
Ze voelt zich krachtiger dan ooit. Onafhankelijk. Financieel zelfstandig. Emotioneel stabiel. “Ik heb geen man nodig om mijn leven compleet te maken. Maar ik geniet wel van mannen. Dat is iets anders.”
Of ze ooit weer een vaste relatie wil? “Misschien. Als het écht iets toevoegt. Maar ik ga niet inleveren op mijn vrijheid.”
Tot die tijd swipet ze. Spreekt ze af. Lacht ze. Verleidt ze. En ja, heeft ze regelmatig seks met mannen die ze online leert kennen.
“Moeder zijn en een spannend seksleven hebben sluiten elkaar niet uit,” zegt ze. “Ik ben trots op allebei.”
PRAAT MEE MET ANDERE Mama’s in de community
Kom in contact met (aanstaande) ouders, word lid van een geboorteclub en blijf op de hoogte van de ontwikkeling van je kind.
Opgebiecht: “Niemand weet dat ik elke avond geld vergok terwijl mijn kinderen boven slapen”
Het Huishoudboekje van Ella: “Mijn ex betaalt geen alimentatie, en ik red het gewoon niet meer”
Opgebiecht: ik mis mijn leven van vóór mijn kind
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