Beeld: Mohala Photography
Tussen luiers, loondienst en lesboeken: een nieuw hoofdstuk
Super spannend voelt het om dit te delen. De afgelopen jaren ontstond er een spark, een vuurtje wat in mij ging branden. Mijn kraamtijd zette me aan tot denken en mijn interesse in de geboortezorg groeide. Wat uiteindelijk leidde tot iets moois. Ik ben gestart met een opleiding tot doula.
Als je me een paar jaar geleden had verteld dat ik weer een opleiding zou gaan volgen naast mijn baan en twee jonge kinderen, had ik je waarschijnlijk lachend aangekeken. Niet omdat ik geen ambities had, maar omdat mijn wereld toen vooral draaide om overleven.
Mijn kraamtijd was een hele moeilijke periode. Natuurlijk was er enorm veel liefde. Maar er was ook onzekerheid, lichamelijk herstel dat niet vanzelf ging, tranen die sneller kwamen dan ik kon uitleggen, en een gevoel dat ik mezelf ergens onderweg kwijt was geraakt.
Mijn revalidatie na mijn eerste bevalling duurde bijna twee jaar en heeft me veel aan het denken gezet. Was dit normaal? Ik miste een vorm van begeleiding. Had iemand me hier niet op voor kunnen bereiden? Ik ben toen alles erover gaan lezen. Ik volgde vele Instagram accounts over moederschap en postpartum herstel. Ik las veel boeken en vond alles over dit onderwerp reuze interessant.
En ergens, heel klein, werd daar een zaadje geplant.
Van persoonlijke worsteling naar nieuwsgierigheid
In de periode na mijn bevalling begon ik zoals gezegd meer te lezen. Over postpartum herstel, over mentale gezondheid na een bevalling, over identiteit en moederschap. Niet omdat ik meteen een plan had, maar omdat ik wilde begrijpen wat mij was overkomen.
Waarom voelde ik me zo veranderd? Waarom was ik zo zoekende naar wie ik was, naast moeder? En waarom leek daar zo weinig ruimte voor te zijn in gesprekken met anderen?
Hoe meer ik las, hoe meer ik dacht: hier mag meer aandacht voor zijn. Hier mogen vrouwen zich minder alleen in voelen.
In eerste instantie hield ik dat vooral bij mezelf. Het waren gedachten die ik wegduwde zodra het leven weer doordenderde. Werk, kinderen, afspraken, het gewone ritme van alledag. Het voelde bijna ongemakkelijk om te erkennen dat er iets in mij groeide wat verder ging dan alleen mijn eigen herstel.
Maar het bleef terugkomen.
Het moment dat ik het niet meer kon negeren
Er was niet één groot, dramatisch moment waarop ik besloot: en nu ga ik een opleiding doen. Het was eerder een optelsom. Gesprekken met andere moeders waarin ik steeds merkte hoe herkenbaar mijn verhaal was. De reacties op mijn blogs waarin vrouwen schreven: “Ik dacht dat ik de enige was.”
Elke keer voelde ik datzelfde vuurtje. Dit raakt iets. Dit is belangrijk.
Langzaam begon ik te onderzoeken wat er mogelijk was. Wat voor opleidingen er zijn. Wat bij mij zou passen. Of het überhaupt haalbaar was naast mijn baan en mijn gezin. Ik heb het idee ook steeds weer in een denkbeeldige la gestopt. Want wie begin er nu aan een opleiding met twee kleine kinderen? Zeker gezien het feit dat ik nu totaal iets anders doe. Ik werk als accountmanager in de evenementenbranche.
Maar juist dat bleef knagen. Waarom zou het niet mogen? Waarom zou ik moeten wachten tot alles rustiger, overzichtelijker en makkelijker is? En komt die tijd ook wel echt? Of moet ik niet wachten en het idee nu met beide handen aangrijpen?
Ik begon al met het zetten van kleine stappen. Ik begon actiever mijn Instagram kanaal in te zetten. Ik ging bloggen over het moederschap op Mamaplaats. Maar nog steeds was dat vuurtje, die spark, zo sterk dat ik er meer mee wilde doen.
En dus heb ik het gedaan. Ik heb me ingeschreven voor een opleiding die aansluit bij alles wat ik zelf heb doorgemaakt in mijn postpartum periode. Een opleiding die draait om begeleiding, om luisteren, om vrouwen ondersteunen in een fase die zoveel groter is dan alleen “een baby krijgen”.
Tussen ambitie en moederschap
Dat betekent nu dat mijn leven soms voelt als een puzzel met net iets te veel stukjes. Ik werk in loondienst. Ik ben moeder van twee jongens die me volledig nodig hebben. En daarnaast ben ik weer student.
Dat is niet altijd romantisch. Het is studeren na bedtijd, opdrachten maken in het weekend, soms twijfelen of ik niet te veel hooi op mijn vork neem. Het is zoeken naar balans en accepteren dat het huis niet altijd perfect opgeruimd is.
Maar het is zo ongelofelijk fijn! De leerstof, de boeken die ik voor de studie moet lezen, de gastcolleges. Ik neem alles tot me en zuig alle kennis op. Het is heerlijk! Maar nog steeds doodeng tegelijk. Want nu is het echt geworden! Ik moet nu ineens nadenken over stages en over wat ik hierna ga doen. Toch probeer ik alles stapje voor stapje te bekijken.
Het is voelen dat ik groei. Dat ik mijn eigen ervaring niet wegstop, maar juist inzet. Dat ik iets doe wat voortkomt uit mijn eigen worsteling en verlangen naar verandering.
Dit is nog maar het begin
Misschien vraag je je af waar dit naartoe gaat. Eerlijk? Dat weet ik zelf ook nog niet precies. Ik voel alleen dat dit klopt. Dat ik niet meer wil doen alsof mijn postpartum periode “gewoon een fase” was die ik moet afsluiten en vergeten.
Het was een kantelpunt. En vanuit dat kantelpunt kies ik er nu voor om me verder te verdiepen, te leren en uiteindelijk iets te betekenen voor andere moeders die zich net zo zoekend voelen als ik toen.
Dus ja, ik zit weer in de schoolbanken. Niet ondanks mijn moederschap, maar dankzij.
En misschien is dit wel het spannendste deel: hardop uitspreken dat dit is wat ik ben gaan doen. Dat dit geen losse interesse is, maar een stap.
Een stap die begon in mijn eigen kraamtijd, midden in de nacht, met een moeder die zich afvroeg: kan het niet anders?
Reizen met twee kleine kinderen: “Hoe doen jullie dat?”
PRAAT MEE MET ANDERE Mama’s in de community
Kom in contact met (aanstaande) ouders, word lid van een geboorteclub en blijf op de hoogte van de ontwikkeling van je kind.
Fleur | Mamazaken
Serie Blogger | Postpartum, eerlijk moederschap
Ik ben moeder van twee en leerde na mijn bevallingen dat het moederschap niet altijd voelt als een sprookje. Op Mamazaken deel ik eerlijk over mijn postpartum reis – met alles erop en eraan. Van lichamelijk herstel tot mentale struggles en kleine overwinningen.
Suus (33) over haar zoektocht naar co-ouderschap en haar kinderwens
Jaleesa belandde na haar bevalling in het ziekenhuis: “Het bloeden stopte niet”
Bo leeft al jaren met ondraaglijke pijn: “Voor mijn dochters ga ik door”
挺不错的样子嘛！
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